Zack Fantana: "I would probably say my five favorite traits about myself are perfectly disheveled hair, my quick wit, my impeccable fashion sense, my otherworldly talent in the ring and my modesty."
The camera man finally focuses in on Jack Daniels' office, where yet unsigned Zack Fantana is sitting at the owner's desk rifling through a stack of notecards. He's wearing a collared shirt and a tie, but in lieu of a suit jacket, is wearing his glittery ring jacket with his name emblazoned on the back. Zack has clearly been rambling on for a matter of minutes, as evidenced by the disdainful look on Jack Daniels' face.
Jack Daniels: "I didn't ask for that, Mr. Fantana. In fact, I didn't ask you for any of the information you're spewing off."
Zack Fantana: "Oh? I thought these questions were standard operating procedure."
Zack re-stracks his notecards nervously.
Jack Daniels: "No, Mr. Fantana, I do not need to know what your favorite color is or who your favorite Muppet was as a child. I simply need to know what you're capable of in the ring and know that you can act professionally outside of it."
Zack Fantana: "What about the references? Those took a long time to compile."
Jack Daniels: "The thing is, I've spoken to all these references and not one of them had a good thing to say about you."
Zack Fantana: "Hmm. I'll tell you what, I was an assistant manager at Outback Steakhouse. I'm sure they'll give me a solid referral. Hold on a second, I'll get you the number."
Fantana reaches into his pocket for his cell phone.
Jack Daniels: "Mr. Fantana, that won't be necessary."
Zack Fantana: "Alright Mr. Daniels, let me level with you. I can recognize that my star has faded a little bit after a couple years out of the business. I've burned some bridges. Sure, I've been out of the game for a while, but think of the marketing. Everybody loves a good comeback. What sells more than an underdog story? I could be the modern day version of 'The Wrestler'."
Jack Daniels: "That movie only came out three years ago."
Zack Fantana: "Yeah, but they're rolling out remakes faster than ever right now. The Karate Kid and Footloose were remade within 30 years. Hell, they remade The Hangover after two years. The rules are changing in Hollywood."
Jack Daniels: "I wasn't really looking to get into a debate about the state of the movie industry with you today, but I'm not sure losing a couple pounds by way of the Hip Hop Abs program and returning to the ring at the age of 27 qualifies as heart-rending a story as a fifty-something wrestler of failing health struggling for one final moment of glory."
Zack Fantana: "It's close though."
Jack Daniels: "It's really not."
Zack Fantana: "Well, it's debatable, but the the point is that people ate that story up. And what does the world love more than an underdog story involving Mickey Rourke? Something not associated with Mickey Rourke at all. Because, let's face it, he's ugly and he makes people a little uncomfortable. That's why I'm your guy."
Jack Daniels: "So you're proposing I hire you because you're not Mickey Rourke?"
Zack Fantana: "Yeah, I suppose so."
Jack Daniels shakes his head.
Zack Fantana: "Anyway, don't worry about those references. I'm sure The Bad Guy will vouch for me. He's a real good guy."
Jack Daniels: "The Bad Guy said you were an idiot."
Zack Fantana: "Okay, I'm not gonna lie. That hurts my feelings a little bit. But do you know what? A reference means nothing in the wrestling industry. What does a bad reference tell you anyway? It probably means they're jealous of my rugged good-looks. So how about this? You give me a match next week and I'll prove to you why you need me in this federation."
The scene fades as Jack Daniels contemplates agreeing to the deal just so Zack Fantana will leave the room.
Subject: The Underdog Story 
Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:17 pm