Zack and the Chocolate Factory

Zack Fantana is backstage, wearing a set of headphones and talking directly into the camera.

Zack Fantana: "DBWF nation, let me level with you. I've always liked to think of myself as a team player. I love team sports. I've closely followed the careers of guys like international soccer sensation David Beckman and Super Bowl winning quarterback Tom Bradley. I've modeled myself after them in the media, hiding behind overused sports clichés and empty platitudes. On the advice of my agents and managers, I've masked my true feelings behind talking points to make myself seem more down-to-earth and more relatable. But what has that gotten me? Boos. For the first time in my career."

Not true at all.

Zack Fantana: "It's been horrible, masquerading as a personality-less media drone. But with the opportunity I've been given tonight, I've decided to free myself from the chains of mid-card talking points and truly let my sunny disposition shine on the screen. Ask yourself: What do you know about Zack Fantana? You're probably saying great hair, washboard abs, impeccable fashion sense. But those are all physical things. What do you REALLY know about Zack Fantana? Nothing. That will change. Tonight I've given you the opportunity to really get to know 'The Natural'. I'll be taking some calls from a few lucky fans. Caller Jerry, you're on the air."

The voice sounds like Zack Fantana with a terrible Southern accent.

Caller Jerry: "Zack, you've now won several matches in DBWF. Do you believe you can really still call yourself an underdog?"

Zack Fantana: "Ha. Busted. You're right, Jerry. I'm not the underdog and perhaps I've never been. Maybe I'm always going to be the talented savvy ring general. Maybe wrestling to me is what basketball was to Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. It's not a switch I can turn off or on. Such is life. Everyone wants the Cinderella story. Well, sorry, I'm not Cinderella and I don't own a pumpkin carriage. Believe me, I wish I did, but it's just not practical. First of all, what happens if you crash? That pumpkin outer shell isn't going to save you. It probably has a horrible crash test rating. That thing probably wouldn't get but one or two awards from J.D. Power and Associates, which doesn't mean much because they hand those things out like free candy. Anyway, I hope that answers your question, Jerry. Next caller. Doug, you're on."

The caller is clearly Zack Fantana with a slightly deeper voice.

Caller Doug: "Fantana, we've seen you in the ring and you seem to be the complete package. Do you have any weaknesses?"

Zack Fantana: "Woah, Doug. Talk about hard-hitting question. I'd hate to give away my secrets to my opponents, but the top two are probably pet dander and your standard issue poison. Skull and crossbones brand."

Zack looks at his watch.

Zack Fantana: "Ah, looks like we're just about out of time. I really feel a closer to each and every one of you. As for tonight, I reach new heights in my DBWF career an walk away with the Golden Ticket in my grasp. I don't know if Jack Daniels ever explained what the Golden Ticket can be redeemed for. But if it's anything like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I imagine I might be susceptible to climb into the television like Mike Teavee."

Zack laughs to himself.

Zack Fantana: "Of course, then they'd have to stretch me out afterwards and I'd get some of those sweet, sweet taffy puller abs."

The scene fades as Fantana appears to fall into a daydream.

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OOC: Tagged everything red to further get it across it's all Fantana.

Added.